Every Writer’s Nightmare
Years ago, I experienced every writer’s dream. After writing my first novel, Please Please Please, it went to auction and I earned an advance that allowed me to quit my day job and write full time. Hoorah, right? Uh… no. You see, while I may have experienced every writer’s dream, I also experienced every writer’s nightmare.
I based Please Please Please on a short story I wrote while in graduate school. After earning my MFA, I worked as a substitute teacher for a year while rewriting the first one hundred pages. This was in 1998, and during that time you could actually sell an uncompleted manuscript, so I thought I’d try to find an agent based on my partial draft. I made copies of the first thirty pages and sent them off to several agents at once. Less than a month later, I had an agent and we were getting offers.
Mind you, this was during the days when Waiting to Exhale was widely popular, and it seemed every publisher was looking for the next Terri McMillian. Although Please Please Please is nothing like Waiting To Exhale, publishers didn’t seem to care, and a bidding war ensued. 
All too soon I was living the dream. Only problem, along with the dream came an enormous amount of pressure. I still had to finish the uncompleted manuscript–with only an inkling of how to write the second half of the book–and I also had the pressure of a due date from a major publisher, the same publisher that had already released a fat check. I won’t go into my poor spending habits back then, but let’s just say, I was spending as much cash as MC Hammer during the heyday of “Can’t Touch This.”
Writer’s block took hold so fiercely I had no other choice but to find a therapist, someone to help me deal with the feelings of doubt and anxiety that took hold every time I sat down to write. It took several months for me to write the second half of the book–let alone get over my writer’s block, but I finally turned it in; albeit a year past its due date.
I went on tour, stayed in fancy hotels and then it was time to start writing the second novel. At this point, I wanted to prove that I was more than a commercial writer. I didn’t want to be compared to Terry McMillan; I wanted to be compared to Toni Morrison.
I spent the next year writing my literary masterpiece, an overwritten, boring story even I knew somewhere deep down was not working. This is when my editor gently told me she was passing on the book and I was dumped from my contract. Oh, and by the way? They wanted their money back. Money I’d already spent.
Luckily I had a fairy godmother in the form of my agent, who fought off the big publisher and told them, in short, that I’d turned the manuscript in on time and it wasn’t my fault that they didn’t like it.
My agent gave me about a week to cry, and then said, as if I’d ruined dinner and could simply make something else—write another book. She was so matter-of-fact about it, so calm, I began to believe that I could do just that–start over and–write another book.
While her advice was exactly what I needed to hear, I was also at an emotional low point and felt I had to prove myself. Since my literary masterpiece had failed, I set out to write a commercial hit, a quick and easy comedy that would make lots of money. I wrote with various rules in my head and stuck to them even though I was not having a bit of fun; I doubt, in fact, that I laughed a single time while writing that book; and no surprise, it didn’t sell. 
I’d written two back-to-back failures by that point. My saving grace, besides my agent who said just as calmly as she had before—write another—was that I was so broken I was more than ready to drop all notions about how I should write and finally started writing with my own voice and style. What a difference writing from the heart makes. My third novel, Shake Down The Stars, sold to Penguin/NAL, as did A Pinch Of Ooh La La.
There’s something liberating about failing. Twice. I now see how writing those two failures helped me build my craft, discover my voice, and develop fierce discipline. Now I can actually say I’ve fallen in love with the process of writing. And falling in love with the process is something the highs and lows of publishing can never take away. I suppose that’s what I want to leave you with today. If you happen to “fail,” and I hope you never do—write another.
First Posted on August 6, 2014 by Meg Waite Clayton
If The Buddha Wrote A Novel
I’ve been practicing meditation for almost ten years, and I’ve realized Buddhism, and many of its teachings, relate not only to life, but to writing, which for many of us is synonymous.
First off, please don’t let the title of my post scare you away! Buddhism is far more about psychology than religion; even the Dalai Lama is known for saying his “religion” is compassion; and meditation, the cornerstone of Buddhism, can be practiced by the religious and non-religious alike. Think of it like that hot trend right now—yoga. Yeah, yeah, I hear you saying. So what does all this have to do with writing? That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?
Well, I’ve been practicing meditation for almost ten years, and I’ve realized Buddhism, and many of its teachings, relate not only to life, but to writing, which for many of us is synonymous.
Equanimity
A couple of years ago, while meeting with my meditation instructor, I said something along the lines of, “I love Buddhism—except for the whole compassion thing; that part sucks. Most people get on my nerves and I have zero compassion for jerks!” My instructor, who’d read my first novel, and knew about the novel I was working on at the time, stared at me pointedly and asked if I ever felt my characters were jerks—if I ever lacked compassion for the people who inhabited my stories.
I think it helps as writers if we treat our characters like people—complex, living, breathing people. Instead of labeling your characters as good or bad or whatever, consider remaining curious.
Granted, the heroine of my first novel sleeps with her best friend’s husband (d’oh!), and the narrator of my second novel battles alcoholism and the habit of sleeping with strangers. Still, I felt defensive. I love my characters. I think they’re complex, broken, spirited and funny. When I told my instructor as much, he reminded me about the importance of equanimity: the practice of keeping curious and open without grasping hold to a fixed opinion.
I think it helps as writers if we treat our characters like people—complex, living, breathing people. Instead of labeling your characters as good or bad or whatever, consider remaining curious. Even if a certain character’s backstory doesn’t make it into the novel, you should know why and how they became who they are. If you write your so-called “bad” characters with no sense of insight, or compassion for that matter, you just might end up writing them as flat.
Discipline
In Buddhism, discipline is a key “paramita” or practice.
It’s tough to write a novel—to keep our momentum as writers—period—without discipline. When I first started meditating, I felt as if the random thoughts swirling in mind would surely drive me crazy, and sitting on my cushion became the last thing I wanted to do every morning. So I switched things up. Instead of aiming for twenty minutes, I set a more doable goal of only five minutes a day. I wanted sitting to become as routine as brushing my teeth. After I became comfortable with five minutes I aimed for ten and eventually twenty.
Discipline comes from “practicing” more days than not. Make writing part of your routine. Nothing special, just part of your routine. Consider not counting pages or words and simply make showing up the goal. Sometimes I write for an hour, sometimes only thirty minutes, but it’s amazing how much you can get done when you keep your goals low and achievable.
Humor
Q: Why don’t Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
(Ha ha. I found that joke online.)
In Buddhism there is an emphasis on humor and the practice of not taking ourselves too seriously.
What if we laughed a little at our stinky scene or chapter? What if we lightened up?
What if instead of beating ourselves up for not sounding like Faulkner or Morrison every time we sit to we write, we give ourselves a break and even have a chuckle over our worst line or passage? Frankly, the amount of cheese I’m sometimes able to generate when I write can be pretty hilarious. Why take writing so seriously that writing becomes torture? What if we laughed a little at our stinky scene or chapter? What if we lightened up? No one is expecting perfection in a draft. No one wants you beating yourself up over a sentence—or beating yourself up period.
I’m guessing that’s what the Buddha would advise. So my friends, pat yourself on the back. Smile. Stick to it!
(First appeared in Writer’s Unboxed)
blog-in-the-round: writers answer four questions and pass it on
I heard about Ana Hays McCracken’s “blog-in-the-round” from Tracy Guzeman, who invited me to join in. During the blog hop, writers are asked to answer four questions, then pass the torch the following week to two or three other writers (who then answer the same four questions). My answers are below. Thank you Ana and Tracy!
What am I working on/writing?
I started a new novel a couple of months ago, but it’s so new I’m not sure of the entire story, and I’m barely getting to know the characters.
Whenever I start a new project it feels as if I’m taking teeny tiny baby steps toward the story and characters, and the characters and story are taking small steps toward me. At a certain point, we start walking toward each other with a little more trust.
How does my writing/work differ from others in its genre?
I often read books where all the characters are of the same race, except for the occasional minor character. My characters tend to be all over the place as far as race and sexual orientation. I also like to write with humor. My characters might go to dark places at times, but humor will always play a part in their stories in one way or another.
Why do I write what I do?
I can’t write poetry or short stories so I guess I’m stuck with novels! When I first started I had no idea I’d love writing novels as much as I do. I like staying with a story as long as it takes and discovering the people and their world. Usually one character will come to mind along with snippets of a story, and I’ll be curious enough and excited enough to follow the woman on her journey. I also write what I do because I want to connect. I love reading a book and falling in love with the story, and I hope I can give that feeling to others.
How does my writing process work?
I consider the time when I’m starting something new playtime. I don’t try to write for too long, and I don’t push myself too much. I do try to show up more days than not, but I see no point in trying to force anything when I don’t know the characters. You can have an outline, but if you don’t know the characters—their inner emotional lives, especially–your scenes are going to be flat, regardless. I just play until the story begins to unfold and the characters start to come alive. The more I show up, the more the story starts to unfold, and this allows me to sit for longer and longer stretches. Once I’m really into it, I try to put in 1 – 2 hours before I go to work and longer hours on weekends. But that’s after I’ve found my groove with whatever I’m working on.
Next week’s Blog Hop – Meet two fabulous authors who will answer the same questions I did: Trisha R. Thomas and Jacqueline Luckett
In 1999 Jacqueline Luckett left the corporate world to kickstart her writing career with classes she took on a dare—from herself. People Magazine (February 2012) described Luckett’s sophomore novel, Passing Love as “beautifully written and filled with vibrant scenes of Paris in its Jazz Age and today.” Essence Magazine selected Searching for Tina Turner as the January 2010 book-of-the-month selection. The novel follows a divorced woman’s journey to self by way of France. What comes through for the main character is the inspiration of Tina Turner’s personal story: everything we need to move forward in our lives is already within us. Learn more at jacquelineluckett.com
Trisha R. Thomas is the author of Nappily in Bloom, Nappily Faithful, and Nappily Ever After, which was a finalist for the NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Literary Work. Her debut novel was optioned by Halle Berry and Universal Pictures for adaptation to film. Her latest novel, Nappily Entangled, is available now. Trisha lives in Riverside, California. Visit Trisha at www.nappilyseries.com/blog 